Six years ago today, Art Boy and I made some promises to each other:
Carl, today I choose you to be my husband,
To be united with you in spirit and purpose.
I promise to love and comfort you, hold you close,
Prize you above all others and be faithful to you all of our days.
I promise to put you first and to work to keep our hearts connected.
I will rely on the Holy Spirit to give me the unconditional love that I need,
Even when it’s hard.
I promise to stand beside you in the plan God has for us and to support you in becoming the person you were created to be.
I promise I will never leave you or forget that God has called us together.
From this day forward, I’m on your team.
‘Simplicity’ is definitely not a word that comes to mind when I think of marriage. The muddling of brokenness that comes with bringing two hearts together is not an easy thing.
Dean – the beautiful Dharawal man who welcomed us to Country at our wedding – brought along a stone axe as an illustration of what marriage means in his tradition. He demonstrated how the two parts that make up the axe – the wooden handle and the stone blade – are less powerful and effective apart as they are when they come together.
While this may not be true of all people (certainly there are people who are their most effective when they’re single), I definitely think it’s true for Carl and I. Though there have been some very hard times that came with the making of this axe, the thing that has consistently been simple for Carl and I is the unity that we have in our sense of purpose. We know what this axe is made for.
There have been very few times in the past six years when I have felt we are on different pages of the life map – and this is something I am very grateful for. Without this common sense of where we’re headed and what matters, we probably would never have set out on this Year of Simplicity.
There is much more I could say, but I’ll probs just say them to him. In the face. For now – for the record – I’m glad I mazzed my Wild One.
Do you have a metaphor or illustration for marriage that’s been a help to you? Tell me in the comments. x
Photos by Tess Guinery.
Your wedding was beautiful! Great celebration of two lovely people.
The metaphor I’ve heard is on the diamond that I have read on a dayspring card:
“When I think of our wedding rings, I’m reminded that a diamond comes from heat, pressure, and having more to bear than it seems it can withstand. But the end result is strength, beauty and something valuable.”
Thanks, Kim. We loved it too!
We like your metaphor too!
Keep up the good work you two. Love you xx.
Ruth
Thanks Mama Ruth. Keep praying!
x
Tim says “You gotta stay on the bus.” No matter how bumpy the road you noone will arrive if they get off at the wrong stop.
Yes!!
Well done you guys! If we hadn’t stuck to our commitment through the tough times we would never have known the joy that is ours on the other side of the struggles. We’ve tallied up 45 years, it’s wonderful and getting deeper, richer and more delightful as we go.
Thanks Mama. Very proud of you and KB. Both our lots parents have set good examples of stickability! x
Hey Tabitha, I love your wedding photos, just beautiful!!
It was so nice to read your vows and to also feel the same in the sense that you become a team when you get married. Luken and I see what a great team we make on a daily basis and for that, I feel very lucky and content. It’s pretty rare that we argue but like any couple we have our moments. I don’t have a metaphor per say, but I was once at a wedding and the priest said something that has stayed with me ever since- Never go to bed angry with each other, try to resolve things before the sun comes up.
Since we both live by this rule, we may not always resolve things but we always say ‘goodnight, I love you’.
Thanks for taking the time to leave me a comment, Suzanne. It was great to catch up the other week too!
I really love this piece of advice. Sometime’s it’s not possible to fully resolve things before bed, but even just saying, “I’m angry right now, but I love you,” goes a long way towards reminding and reassuring yourself and the one you love of the ultimate good will between you.
Hey Tabitha and Carl.
At our wedding the minister gave us an empty box and the advice to fill it with good common stories over the years. He said that it is not about loving the other person because of something you want (what if this gets lost one day?) rather than because you love the other person unconditionally anything can happen. Thats how the box gets filled with the unwritten yet. And it did so far…not just with nice stuff – also with results of the difficult situations we went through that made us stronger.
Not sure if I captured it right in English but I hope you got the meaning.
Thanks Frithjof. Excellent advice (bet the Four in you loved the romance of the concept) and what beautiful heritage to pass on to Selma one day. I have a bag full of all the cards Carl has given me over the years and I use it in a similar way. Like it says in the book, “…whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable — if anything is excellent or praiseworthy — think about such things.” Sometimes you just need a reminder. Love to you and your girls.